Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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