You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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