God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
