and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
