you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
