She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
