How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Houston, we have a blender
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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