Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So many bounce houses so little time
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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