The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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