I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
