I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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