She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
