Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
