The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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