just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
