I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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