is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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