Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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