I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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