you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
