I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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