She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
