hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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