I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
