Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
