Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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