You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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