you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
