his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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