first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
