You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
