just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm passing your future prison.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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