This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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