Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
