My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
