Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
