Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
