I didn't shave. On purpose
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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