Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
