we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
