my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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