She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
