He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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