I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
