It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
