You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
