WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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