Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
