I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
