I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
