you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
