conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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