If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
