Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
