Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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