I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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