at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
