The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
