also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
