I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
