look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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