Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
