I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
