I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
