3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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