Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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