He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
