My sheets look like a crime scene.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
