I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
