Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Randomize
