I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
