break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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