My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
