I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize