ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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