I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
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Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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