Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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