Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
