I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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