I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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