I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
